Becoming the 4 McCaffery's

We've created this webpage for our family, friends, and future adoptive families to follow us in our adoption journey to Kazakhstan to become a family of 4. Thanks for reading, we hope you enjoy it!!

Monday, August 14, 2006

Good and Bad News

The good news is that Sam does not have any major illnesses like HIV/Hep B etc. The bad news is that he did test positve for TB. His chest Xray came back negative, which is good and he loves his liquid version of INH, he states it tastes like Strawberry. He's a trooper and it doesn't seem to phase him. Still, of all the things that could be going wrong with him physically, this is minor and so we're very thankful.

On the emotional/psychological end, we're going through a tough period of lying, taking with out asking and simply not listening to his mother. The hardest part about dealing with this is that he simply knows better. Now I'm no fool and I know he was obedient at the detsky dom simply as a form of survival, but it's frustrating to see the good side of him and then to watch him regress daily. Luckily he does not have "push over" parents. He told me last night, he took with out asking simply because he wanted to. I told him, that is his choice, but he knows his choice means he loses all of his privileges for the day. I know I've had 4.5 years to teach Ian respect, and the importance of telling the truth and being thankful, but it still amazes me that Sam can be incredibly greedy and lack empathy regarding his poor choices. I know it will get better as he learns this mama will not budge whenit comes to learning how to become a thoughtful and thankful person who has a strong character nor give in to his tantrums or poor character trait choices. It's just hard because then both Sam and Ian suffer as they loose time to be together due to Sam being in time out of simply having to loose the privilege of being able to play with Ian do to his constant lying, or taking without asking or simply choosing not to listen to me. At first I felt like I was screwing up some how, but I have a friend who adopted a girl from Romania, and to this day, of her 3 girls she still struggles with these issues. Oh well, I guess it doesn't help that I've been a single parent for 8 plus weeks, still I know it will get better and honestly, when I'm really tired of dealing with Sam's bullshit I look at Ian and how much he loves and cares about Sam, and it reminds me of the kind of mother/person I need and should strive to be. The photos of our the boys last day of "summer school"

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Another Saturday in Mayberry...

Greetings Readers from Mayberry, oh, I mean Dover, Delaware. We've had a bit of a heat wave lately so to beat the heat, we've either done a ton of indoor crafts or ran in the sprinklers! Both of our boys loving doing so! We also went to the local Peach Festival last week, where the boys got a taste of homemade peach ice-cream, played with some farm animals and thought it was way too cool that we got to park our car right next to the orchard!!

We all miss Daddy, but we're happy to report that our home finally sold in this "buyer's" market and we will close in late October. We think we have may found a great home for us in Monument, CO. with a view of the mountains and still within our price range, so keep your fingers crossed!! We're going on being apart from Daddy for nearly 7 wks now, and it's taken it's toll on me a bit, but the boys are doing really well with it, which is all that really matters right now!! I'm so proud of how well my boys are treating one another, I often feel their bond is tighter than bio siblings because they "know" how special and lucky they are to have found one another!! Ian makes certain when Sam is misbehaving and I'm a bit frustrated that I'm not going to "send him back to the detsky dom in Kazakhstan." I reassure him and Sam that I love him and that his is part of our family always and forever, even on the days he may not wish to do so!!!

We've also been blessed and that all of Sam's major blood tests have come back negative, we're still waiting on TB, and I think he may test positive for TB which wouldn't surprise me a bit with the standard of living in the detsky doms and the amount of people and germs and lack of updated cleaning supplies and plumbing. Still, in the big scheme of life, that's minor, and I'm just happy that he seems quite well adjusted and loves to learn! Ok, enough bragging rights, here are some more recent photos!!!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

We Met Sammy 4 months ago today...

Wow, I can't believe it was 4 months ago today, well in Kaz it's already the 3rd, so I guess I can still say "today." Anyhow, I still can't believe he's been a part of our lives for only 4 months. It now seems like he's always been here. This is not to say I want to repeat the process any time soon. I will not sugar coat my feelings about our experience in Kaz in regards to the adoption process and proceedures. That being said, as much as I detested staying the entire time, being seperated from my husband and other son, I know it helped with the bonding process for Sam and I as mother and son, and for Ian and Daddy to get some quality time together prior to Ian's world "changing" forever. I was always thankful to live in the US of A, but never more so than after this trip on multiple levels. We have been home a little over 2 months and it has been fun, crazy, and of course stressful at times. We finally sold our home and will be moving to Colorado Springs in late October. My husband moved to CO, the 3rd week of June, so I've been going "solo" since then. Don't feel too bad for me though, it could be much worse I could have to work and I do get a bit of a break as the boys go to "school" 5 days a week 3.5 hrs a day and love it!! We also get to go to the same school for regular preschool for 2 months as well, so I know that will help Sam even more so!! Sam and Ian are for the most part amazing together. I always double check with my husband if there minimial bickering is "normal" brother stuff or bigger issues, he says he's amazed at how well they get along, as am I. They are both quite thankful for one another and share hugs and kisses daily. My favorite thing is that they feel true remorse when the other one is getting repremanded. If anything I'm having the hardest time adapting. Besides being mentally worn out by the end of the day, I feel a ton of guilt about not having quality one on one time with each of my boys. I know Sam is coming from one of many, so becoming one of two is a huge improvement, but I still think individual time is very important for his overall growth as a person. Ian is doing amazingly well, not that Sam doesn't have a lot of new challenges to deal with, but so does Ian, to go from the main attraction to 1 of 2 I thought would be much worse, to have to all of a sudden have everything he has had become his brothers as well, must be hard, heck as adults it's hard to share let alone at 4.5. Still, for the most part, Ian seems to enjoy helping Sam and sharing with him If anything Ian sometimes doesn't understand that Sam can be near him but might not want to play together. With Tim being gone it's been a bit hard to do individual time, but we do so in 2 1/2 incriments daily for books and working on preschool skill sets. Some other things I'm amazed at are how eventhough Sam and Ian aren't bio brothers they share opposite strength's and weaknesses. I'm also amazed at how much more Sam tests my wills. He disobeys more than Ian ever did, but I must remember he has never had the opportunity to "act out" and know that someone would still be there to give him unconditional love. Of course I give him the love, but he also still has to be accountable for his actions, so that gets a bit old over all, but then after the bit of drama, I still get a ton of love so I can't complain. Ok, I've got to go and read some books before night night!!!

Hope you like the photos of Ian and Sam