May 3rd

Well, my wish came true and it was sunny today, so we took a nice long walk. We walked t the TSUM. In route to the TSUM we always stop at the “Grand Restaurant” because it has 2 lions out front. This is because we read, “Rumble in the Jungle” at least 3 times a day, and we have to stop and visit with the lions and find their eyes, ears, nose, mouth, tongue, and big paws. We went to the grocery store across from the Tsum and bought some bread and a banana just in case we couldn’t find Café Ankara. We then took the underground walkway to the TSUM and found two pair of socks for Sam for 90 tenge, what a steal! I only left him 2 pairs of which I can’t find one. How a sock could get lost in a mere 500 sq. ft. I know not, I just know I can’t find it! We found Café Ankara and while the picture of the hotdog and fries looked yummy, in reality it was not. Sam thought it was fine, but then again what won’t Sam the Bull eat. I’m glad I had the extra bread in my pocket, to nibble on as we took a stroll through the park. At the park we went to the slide, fort, and see-saw section that the boys loved to play on while they were both here.
We then walked home and stopped by the market to see if I could by another nursat card but the women was not at the kiosk. We then hit the grocery store to pick up some bread and fruit for dinner. Starting Friday the weather is supposed to be come more temperate according to www.theweatherchannel.com. This will enhance our walks and hopefully decrease my stir craziness by being able to visiting both the “trash park” and the lake park. But honestly, how many times can we do that in the next 2.5 weeks? I can sense Vitalik is becoming bored as well and I don’t blame him. Still, he's a much happier and more affectionate child than he was a month a go and that keeps me going when the "poor me's " come creeping in.

I’m going crazy. . I personally would not recommend staying the entire time if you a) are adopting an infant under 1 yr, as all they really know is the detsky- dom and they won’t be as broken hearted about you leaving as you will be; b) if you have another child that has to go back without you that is over the age of 1 yr. While I know Ian is very safe, content, and happy with his father and his Grammy Mim.. I am not. I can honestly say this is the best and worst decision I have had to make in my entire life. Honestly, this is really hard. I don’t have a car, I speak enough Russian to NOT look like a loud, bossy, proud stereo-typical American, but I can’t go into a store and truly ask for anything with adult phrases. Though I must say most people have been quite pleased and surprised that I can and do try to communicate in Russian with them and with Sam. I miss feeling clean. I miss standing up in my shower, being able to drink water out of the faucet, cooking in my own kitchen, going to the grocery store and being able to know what everything is and have a variety of foods from which to choose. While I know Sam will add much joy to our family in the months and years to come, right now I really miss my old life prior to him. I miss being with Ian everyday, I miss my home, my husband, my daily routine in little old Dover, DE. While I know staying with him was the right thing to do for him as an individual and for him to transition well into a family setting, I’m angry, not at him, but rather at Kaz’s lengthy adoption process and how it’s forcing our family to be spilt apart during the time we need to be together the most. I completely understand the need to have the 14 day bonding period, but the whole process could easily be done in 1 month vs. 2 months; enabling the child and the family to really start bonding in their native country and living their “new” lives. Ok, enough anger.

On a good note, my friend, Anjanette and her hubby, Ronnie have found their son. Their daughter Reagan is having a tough first day as becoming a big sister is not a wonderful as she anticipated. This is hard on her Mama, I tried to reassure her it will get better each day, but she and I know that torn feeling you is horrendous. I also received a nice call from my father. His daily calls really do make my day just a little bit better. Sam also has been really great this afternoon. Sam was very affectionate today, I received about 10 kisses for no reason at all. That’s a pretty big accomplishment from a month ago today when we first met him and he wouldn’t even really make eye contact. I thought of Ian many times today, but I lost it when I started to run the bath and smelled his oatmeal scented bath wash. I miss him so, so much!! Well, it’s off to lotion Sir Chubby and read some books prior to night-night! Well, Sam the Ham, decided to model the up and coming fashions here in Karaganda, prior to putting on his pj’s and reading books. Those are today's photos. Of course he loved the book, but never likes going to bed at night, doesn’t fight it, just gives you the cold shoulder routine. I’m 99% certain he’ll be in by 0715-0730 tomorrow morning with a smile and the Magna Doodle and once again all will be well. Actually, he just asked for a drink of water and after that I got a kiss, lucky me!!